During the average meal, you eat over 90,000 miles of DNA.

David Letterman presented an hour-by-hour account of a day in the life of Osama bin Laden:7:00 am: "He wakes up and asks his assistant, `Am I still alive?`"8:00 am: "Has a nutritious breakfast of sand and dirt."10:30 am: "He takes his camel in for a tune-up at Mazar-e-Sharif Amoco."11:30 am: "Has trouble opening a jar of peanut butter; declares jihad against Skippy."1:00 pm: "Tae-Bo."1:30 pm: "Records a video demanding America surrender or else he`ll make another video demanding America surrender."2:30 pm: "He`s a celebrity judge at a wet burqa contest."3:00 pm: "Picks Mullah Omar`s name in this year`s Secret Santa drawing."4:00 pm: "Turns on CNN to closely study the moves of his opponents. Gets bored, switches to Oprah."5:00 pm: "Gets scolded for not taking out the trash by wives 3, 8, and 16."9:00 pm: "Plots strategy for upcoming week: cower underground like a spooked rat."12:00 am: "Kiss family goodnight. Kiss ass goodbye"