I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.

Anyone can sit here and buy you drinks. I want to buy you dinner!

I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.

I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?

Do you sell hot dogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.

My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later that morning.

You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.

People are lot less judgy when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.

Nutella: A reason to buy bread.

Do people who go to the gym to "feel the burn" know nothing of Mexican food?

If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.

Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts!

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib!

I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?